Pinku-Enchanted Life

Well, actually,  priyanka , you were different.  You didn't want a perfect life, a typical life, or even a normal life. You wanted a one-of-a-kind. How we doing?    The Universe The above note suitably customized would have been received by thousands across the world today as it was by me thanks to our common subscription to a site called TUT. TUT sends out a note a day to subscribers written by Mike Dooley who claims to be speaking on behalf of the Universe no less. Part fun, part philosophical the notes are usually a welcome break in a work day. As often happens with such things many a time the note gives hope, cheers up or just brings a smile. Even though we well know that it comes from one person and the same note would be received by many it still seems to speak with us with a special intimacy. Today was one such day...the note read so true that it caught my breath. I reread to ensure I had read it right and it also brought ba...

Winters do something to me. While others get swaddled in layers upon layers of woolens I cherish the cold and welcome it. It makes all my dormant desires come alive. I want to experience new things, touch forbidden territories and create new road maps where none existed. It also makes me impatient. It makes me strain against all that binds me. I find it difficult to keep my head down and slog on as I usually do. The need to step off the highway of life and smell the flowers, turn the leaves becomes very strong. So strong in fact that at times it scares me. Winters are when I want to travel, explore and be curious. Winters are when I want to discard the old and try on the new. It’s as if my soul flirts with everything, unwilling to bind itself, unwilling to settle down. Narcissus, my favorite flowers are ones that can be seen at Delhi florists for a very short while during winters and their ephemeral fragrance haunts me. My biggest joy is to spot a bunch of thes...

Faith, trust, believe…all old fashioned words that mean nothing in today’s world unless of course you participate in those five yearly races called elections. In which case these words just mean one thing – the vote bank. But that’s not the meaning I was talking about. I was talking about the kind on which forever after relationships are based. The kind which wise people know is far more important than love for love is fickle while faith stays true. That’s its nature. But then again I am talking of things past. Things that are obsolete and do not mean anything anymore.  Why do I say so you ask? I say this because around me I see the wreckage of human relationships; I see greed, lust and selfish interest guide people into higher and still higher levels of oblivion from the pain of those around them. How is it possible for people to negate everything that’s been done for them, whether by parents, friends, and siblings or spouses for something which even in t...

Tying up loose ends, signing off from work, hobbies, habits I am feverishly preparing for your arrival Aching all night, sitting up counting my joints and days left alternatively I am wondering what holding you for the first time will be like I review my life, the way it has been till now Mad, wild, unthinking, defiant Instinctively now I move towards planning, being responsible My body, the repository of so much pride and pleasure is changing in ways I have never known it to Not fitting into my favourite clothes, bring a smile How strange is that? I wonder at the wonder of it all I wish to record every tiny movement Every sign of your presence in my life, inside me It all feels so novel, till I look around me and see the teeming millions realizing how common all this must be how often felt and seen Yet for me Miracle maker you don't cease to amaze and I await thee!

Touching heart strings then you only touch raw nerves now I think I do the same Glancing behind us I see a dense but beautiful jungle looking ahead all I see is rocky wilderness Am unable to go on, but go on I must not for myself, not even for you but for that third someone Someone, I thought would be the symbol of our shared love and passion but I fear will only bear the burden of our bitterness and battles Battles that I cannot fight and you must cause I am the only person you can hit out at only person who is close enough to hear the curses, the bitterness, feel you moving away while I grope in the darkness for another ounce of strength, fortitude, patience. Love.

I have wanted you so much I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want you Of course I was smart, I didn’t let anyone know It wouldn’t do to carry your heart on your sleeve Would it? But, I have wanted you There is no mistaking it Have day dreamed about your fingers laced in mine Of wild rides through hills and vales With you by my side Now they tell me I have to let you go Let you go even before I really see you Even before we have looked into each other’s eyes and seen our souls joined how easy is it you tell me? Why am I always faced with these decisions? Where and when did God decide that I should be an example of stoic acceptance? Why cant I rant and rave? And refuse to let go? Why must I be logical and practical? I don’t want any of it, I just want you. Is it so very much to ask?

Frowning hard, swearing under our breath trying to tackle the latest problem that threatens to rock our little boat, we suddenly remember you, and we smile. Quarreling with each other, our hearts as gloomy as the sky outside wishing for a bit of peace, we think of you, and we smile. Our dreams turn rosier, our thoughts pure We tread lightly, with an invisible spring in our steps, We know without being told that your finger has touched us somewhere Lust has turned into love, passionate lip locks been replaced by chaste kisses on the forehead in the foyer of a cinema, all thanks to you We are waiting for you, eagerly, hopefully, to come and change our life forever we of the frayed nerves, of the cynical mind for a moment we shed all our negativity and Miracle Maker with a smile we await you

In the caverns of my mind thoughts resonate all trying to be heard all trying to be supreme A hopeful word here, a spiteful one there, a warm smile, a foolish indulgence all jostling for space Which do I throw away? Which do I give credence as mine? Born of me they all are, yet not mine I fumble, I weep I tear at my hair in despair Which thought should I choose to lead me into darkness or sunshine? They have the power of destruction and creation too Like Kali and Parvati, both are mighty Which Goddess do I worship? I know you will tell me both are the same Sides of the same coin But me a mere mortal with numbered days growing shorter each moment has neither the depth nor inclination to choose between the two I think I shall just pull up the cover you call a shroud and let all the thoughts be at rest forever (picture coursey wikimedia)

Aeons ago we met and held hands ages passed between one glimpse and another it took upheavals to bring us together Lores got written, weapons clashed worlds were plunged into chaos in an attempt to keep us apart through raging thunder and whirlpools we made it to the shore only to lose ourselves in the sands of time

A very hectic day at work. Crap from a client you have serviced diligently for a year. Going nowhere discussions with new clients. Late nights at work and a screwed family life. A mom whose hobby is to keep falling down and hurt herself. Where do you find happiness and a little peace? I for one fake it. Does that startle you? Let me explain. When times are bad and I have already done what is possible and its time to leave things to higher ups (whether boss or God) I simply choose to pull my mind away from the sadness of it all and act as if everything is fine. Behave as if I am doing well and am so excited to be alive, when the reality is that – life sucks. So I speak in a jovial manner. I plan outings with friends. I get on to facebook or orkut and drop messages for various people. I surf the internet and try to find out interesting tidbits about things that interest me. I also plan dates, drag people to watch feel-good movies or have dinner at a nice place, all in an attempt to look...

Girl meets boy. Likes him for what he is, his smartness, his foolishness, his awkwardness, and his cuteness and promptly falls in love. Boy meets girl. Likes her good looks, the way she carried herself, the perfectionist mind and attitude, her knowledge and even her pretensions at times, finds it all so very adorable and promptly falls in love. Boy and girl profess undying devotion, love and tenderness. Then they get married. The guy’s smartness starts to rankle when the wisecracks get targeted at her. The girl’s good looks are a matter which sees money drain into Beauty parlours. The guy’s foolishness tastes dour when it means overlooking the obvious. The girl’s poise is cause to lose repose. The guy’s awkward comments aimed at her family or even friends are difficult to swallow The perfectionist mind is now settled on dusting cobwebs There are children to be look aftered, clothes to be darned, utensils to be washed and food going bad in the fridge. The dream turns into a nightmare n...

The fire within has simmered down what was once a raging blaze now barely shows embers what did you do? Your fingers try to stoke it up as I look on helplessly dismay fills my heart as the flames refuse to leap up again This has never happened before you have always been able to light the fire with the simplest flick of a wrist what has changed then? I know what this points to and I am afraid to look that way I am afraid of a cold bleak future bound in chains of formalities One small whiff of not so pure air and the flames refuse to stir I urge it to, I pray for it to but it does not budge What did you do? What did I do?

She is the one who gave birth me merely the one who wishes I had to her it was the result of a night of carelessness for me it would be the fruit of utmost care for her life's possibilities came dashing down when the news broke for me life would take wings if I could but just get that message for her she is the by product of her quest for social security and acceptance for me, she is the symbol that God hasn't forsaken mankind she tries to rule mind and soul I just want a bit of heart space She frowns at questions I wonder at her wonder and the wonder that she is she is the mother I am but the woman who would have given anything to be one she bore her for nine months I have lived with the hollowness within for nine years How can my love ever compare with a mother's love?

In a few days time it will the 61st anniversary of India’s independence from the British Raj. We celebrate this day as a national holiday and thanks to multiple channels are not even bound to hear the speeches being made from the ramparts of the Red Fort if we happen to switch on the television. The fact that most markets are closed however is a nuisance since we can’t exercise our freedom to shop. And even catching a movie is not always possible either because we didn’t book in advance or the shows are houseful or cause we live in a metropolitan city and are afraid of a terror attack on an important day such as this. So what do we do? We laze about at home, have something nice to eat and drink (provided we were smart enough to stash away booze beforehand, it being a dry day and all that). And if a neighbor or friend happens to drop by we discuss the completely pathetic state of affairs of the country. How it’s being led by donkeys and it can only lead to ruin. How we are planning to g...

Love, they said is pure and innocent. Love, they said gives wholeheartedly, simply Love, they said made you kind and gentle Love, they said was sublime and subtle What is this then? This tumultuous sensation that fills me when I think of you The jealousy I feel when I see you absorbed in anything but me The fierce waves of pain and pleasure that you unleash in me Are these then not love? Love, they said happened when boy meets girl Love they said was the first kiss, the first touch Love they said was eternal What then do we call what we share? We met after meeting and loving others Amongst our most precious memories are those that we don’t hold in common Our temperaments are different, so is our world view at times Yet inspite of it all we have dared to share dreams, hopes and desires Yet inspite of it all we have decided to be co-travelers on the road of life We have shed tears of joy and sorrow for each other; we have lived in each others smiles But is that enough to call it love? Sh...

Thanks to the handy camera in mobile phones we no longer need to just experience something we can also capture images/videos to share the same with others. Am putting down here some random shots taken in and around Delhi...its a testimony to my life and times. Hope you enjoy this journey, though its hardly enchanting all the time :) The bells that chime out the change in my life. It's neither golden nor rosy, its just easy right now. Easy with a free flow of thoughts, love and naughtiness. Easy with a shared sense of camraderie. Touchwood, am praying it stays this way always. Flowers in my garden. Its not Eden but I am not complaining. On the roads. What can I say? Perhaps this is enforced, "stand and stare" time. Sometimes brought up by the heavy traffic in the city.... Sometimes by somethings far more interesting... A few pictures from the recently held Osian. Some people including us have calendars which run from Osian to Osian. And all the goof ups not withstand...

Its been two years since I started blogging. Like with many others it started with visiting a friend’s blog http://sundary.blogspot.com and her insisting that I have one of my own. I mulled over the idea for some time, thought it a bit disturbing to actually share my ideas with strangers and infact even having acquaintances read some of them felt uncomfortable. But then I did take the plunge, and have not regretted it since. In the beginning the blog was my way of sharing my thoughts which for paucity of time and opportunity I couldn’t share with someone who mattered a lot in my life. Later as a few bloggers did visit at random and left messages the temptation to write for a wider audience grew. Much later I felt comfortable enough to share it with close friends and many of them continue to visit the blog and though they don’t comment on the blog, at times their mails mention something I have said in a post and I know they have been reading too. It’s a lovely feeling to be connected i...

Hey! It’s that time of the year again to spin new dreams, look resolutely at our bank balance (or the lack of it) and plan a golden (ok even a silver one will do) future. Relax guys this feeling too shall pass like all those new years before this one did and we will be warmly ensconced in the inaction or minimum action that our lives were, are and always shall be. Isn’t that what we actually most want to do? Live on in the sameness(dullness yes but then atleast one is spared the nasty surprises). It’s only at times like these New Year's or our birthdays and anniversaries when we are forced to think differently. Yeah I agree there is a kind of thrill to it. The plan to shed old skin, try new things and tighten up our belts (in more ways than one) all of it is very exciting but you know what….our fast food nourished minds and bodies lose whatever energy is there in the planning and we quietly let go of the packet of new thoughts by the wayside like that garbage bag that guy forgot to...

The more things change the more they remain the same so say those who have seen it all. Oh! But what thrill the planning for it, the anticipation of it and the final confrontation with it, gives. The regular tends to be so boring. Change brings on a rush of adrenaline, heart pumping faster, cheeks glowing, and concentration levels high. I could swear it’s the best exercise to stay in shape both mentally and physically, just go in for a change. Change what you ask? Change anything. Change the way your sitting room looks. Change your haircut. Change the route you take back from work or to it. What the heck! Change the job. Exchange your pink lipstick for a cherry red one or vice versa. Followed football on the tele all your life? Go out and play it with the neighborhood kids today. And if its pouring so much the better. Do whatever, but do something. Change something around you. Maybe buy bright yellow sunflowers instead of the regulation red roses for your beloved. The world thrives o...

It’s that time of the year again. Pull a curtain over the past prepare for the future discard the old adapt to the new. Some do it like a duty, like putting out the garbage with no thoughts involved. Some do it meticulously like threading a needle a thought, an idea at a time all in the right sequence. Some party away the night Get up midday with a hangover so bad the new year just seems like a blight Some spend the wee hours ensconced in the arms of loved ones reliving the past, envisioning the future. Some are in the company of the TV wondering whether the phone would ring and someone would remember to wish them too. Which of these were you?