Threshold...Fulfillment
Her fingers went on with the knitting in her hand as her mind wandered and the multi hued scarf she was making wove on almost like on autopilot. Her hands had started shaking some years ago and she had taken up knitting with a vengeance it hid the fact of the shivering hands and also gave her some satisfaction to be able to create something in her otherwise barren life.
She saw the sentry running out under the torrent to open the gates and they creaked open reluctantly. She always found it funny-sad that the same gates looked like those of a palace to those outside and she who was inside viewed it as those of a prison. The black Mercedes swooshed in as the line of people waiting to catch a glimpse of the famed inhabitants jostled in the pouring rain. The crowd was almost a constant at the gates, Sujata wondered how would she react if one day the gates opened and she didn’t see anyone trying to peer in. The surprise would be too great she decided and even if she were to recover her husband and his extended family would probably go into shock.
She almost laughed out loud at the thought and the servant who had walked in with the tea stopped abruptly making the tea things tinkle. She turned quickly and spying him gave a sheepish smile he smiled back hesitatingly not knowing what this sudden favor meant.
“Have you given Ramprasad his biscuits?” It was an unnecessary question spoken to cover the confusion both master and servant felt at the unexpected intimacy.
“Ji, memsahib” the man answered and regaining his composure started to set the tea things.
Sujata turned back to the window to look at the familiar picture yet again. Everything in this house worked with clockwork precision she mused, she was not required; the servants, guards, gardeners all knew what was expected of them and didn’t need any instructions at all. The flowers, plants, tea, dinner, guest's visiting cards and the mail all came in at the exact time in the exact manner, perfect and lifeless.
She turned again at the sound of a muffled cough, her husband’s manner of making his presence felt. She looked at him and with grace perfected over the years gave a plastic smile and a how do you do, while moving towards the tea table. He was usually quiet answering her question with a polite nod of the head. Today though he seemed disposed to talk and instead of taking his tea and walking off to the study as was his wont lingered by the open window standing almost where Sujata had stood a moment ago.
She readied herself for whatever it was he wanted to tell her. He however seemed to be debating with himself and took his time. She grew impatient, why couldn’t he get over with it? Must be another one of those party or social invites where he had to take her and there was no way she could excuse herself out of. Or was it something more serious something about their daughter studying in a Mussorie boarding, the thought came unbidden. She dismissed it with a small toss of her head he never bothered to seek her opinion on such matters. Then what could it be? She wondered staring all the while into the middle distance somewhere between her husband’s back and the table.
Finally sipping the last dregs of his tea Amit turned and walking towards her, “what is it that you are looking for?”
“Fulfillment” she answered without thinking and then bit her tongue. Why had she said that? Normally she only answered with a smile and ‘I have all that I can want’ or at times if she was really bold a request to go see her daughter which depending on Amit’s frame of mind was rejected or accepted.
The rain was to blame she decided it had seeped into her heart and her inner thoughts had leaked out to the surface.
“Fulfillment” Amit rolled the word in his mouth like a foreign wine and tried to understand what it meant. Failing which he gave her a quizzical look and shrugging indicated all that was around them.
“And how does one find this fulfillment of yours?”
She kept her silence not knowing what to say. The bravery given by the rains had evaporated much like it.
Amit waited for an answer then realizing he wasn't about to get any, went off to his study leaving the air ripe with the unexplainable "fulfillment".
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