Looking For Happiness

I have been meaning to write for a long time, a film here, a feeling there have all begged to be jotted down. However life has been extremely busy since the beginning of the year and the way it looks, it promises to be so till the end of the year and beyond.

January was when I was on the weekdays frantically trying to achieve the numbers at work and shopping for my adopted brother’s wedding on weekends. Early February was when the marriage took place and I assumed life would now become easier with a young girl in the family to look after mom and brother so that I could concentrate on work and my own home.

Me and mom and tried our best to make it a wedding complete in all respects. Both of us for various reasons had not gone on a honeymoon when we got married. We ensured the new couple did. We tried to give them the space and time that most new couples complain about not having.

And yet we could not ensure that they be a happy twosome. Frequent quarrels and unnatural demands erupted, bringing things to such an ugly pass that we need to take legal help to safeguard ourselves. Mom’s blood sugar levels have shot up to near 450, she at this age has been threatened with Police lock-up and abused in the most vilest of language.

One girl came into our lives and shattered everything. Why and how did she get so much power?

My brother is begging that he is ready to be in jail but he cant live with this woman. We are trying our best to bring about a quick resolution.

All my dreams of shared holidays and having parties where the whole family would join in have been shattered. An uneasy calm resides in the house which only a few months back was filled with camaraderie and easy banter.

Mom’s neighbours have been sweethearts, lending their support at any time of day or night that we need. Accompanying us to the police and other authorities. Ensuring mom takes her meal and medicine properly.

On the other side Babun has not been keeping well; Doctors say he has multiple clots in his brain. He has suddenly aged beyond recognition. Tantrums and sudden wild ideas abound. He refuses to listen to any rational thought. We realize that we may not have him with us for too long and that's a very painful thought. I wonder what would Ma do...fifty plus years of togetherness.

Our happy home doesn’t feel as happy anymore. Every phone call or sms scares us as we rush to pick the phone. Trying to take an afternoon nap seems like an ordeal as I fruitlessly try to hush my racing mind and lull it to sleep.

I really wish Baba was around; I am tiring of this burden of responsibilities.