Approval...Does it matter?

I have always been strong headed and very sure of what, who and where I want to be in life. There have been many negatives to this “I know best” attitude however the one positive has been that I have also maintained that since my decisions and actions in most cases have been my own, I very rarely blame anyone else for the outcome.

I firmly believe that whatever fate doles out to me are things I am responsible for and blaming someone else are signs of a weak character.

From my choice of education to career to friends (and boyfriends) to husbands and work I have always gone with my own sometimes thoughtout decisions and mostly whims and fancies.

Answering many a raised eyebrows with an “it’s my life” and “I don’t care” statements I have been meandering through life. However truth be told the secret dream of my choices being seen in the right light by my family and friends and their approval given has always been there.

Why did I stay in a marriage which from the first day seemed futile? Simply because I didn’t want a disappointed family especially mom. I flogged the dead horse and tried to make it move till I ached all over and I realized that all my attempts were useless since IT WAS DEAD.

So coming back to the point of social approval it does play an important part though I would like to think otherwise. There have been periods when the “I don’t care” feeling has lasted for months only to be replaced by a secret “I do care”. At other times the replacement has been faster almost as soon as the deed was done.

How do you feel about this? I have a feeling we all oscillate between these two feelings. I perhaps tend to cling on to the ‘don’t care’ side more but I do go to the other side too. And that movement is almost out of my power.

Now why am I saying all this here today?

For two reasons one: a decision I took almost a year and a half ago and which at the time seemed a huge risk has turned out to be not such a bad idea after all for me personally and secondly people whose opinion matters have finally given a nod of approval to that decision.

Feels good, believe me.

For that historic meeting I took along a cake made by a dear friend and while I didn’t say so at the time but while cutting it I felt it was a celebration no less and the cake cutting just the right bit of ceremony to indulge in :)