Its Dad's Birthday

-

It was father’s day yesterday. And today is baba’s birthday.

The last time I saw him was fifteen years ago. I saw him gasping for air as his body slowly descended to the ground trying hard to resist the massive cardiac arrest he suffered.

How would my life have shaped up if that fateful day he had not died but recovered? I have often wondered. Were he alive today his hair would be more grey than black. At that time it was just turning grey at the edges.

Mom would still wear red and not say that her life is over. Payel, my sister might also have been alive.

Might have been. Could have been. Should have been.

Failed plans all.

The reality is that he died fifteen years ago. Payel followed five years later. Mom looks grim and her eyes rarely smile. I am anchorless.

Miss you Baba. Happy Birthday!!!

Comments

Parry said…
brought a lump to my throat. and all of us keep cribbing about life treating us unfairly. in your floating world, maybe you dont need an anchor. you need another fellow traveller. am there for you, no matter how difficult things may seem.
4:58 pm, June 16, 2008
Mampi said…
Hey Pinks,
I lost mine 14 years back and also wonder often if my life had shaped up differently if he were alive. You brought tears in my already damp eyes. Fathers' Day was terrible. May God grant peace to all gone and all those who are left behind.
10:04 pm, June 16, 2008
Sujoy Bhattacharjee said…
Feel for you.... really. Not that I am pitying you, strong woman that you are.
And sorry for being rude on Polka's blog.
1:25 am, June 17, 2008
rayshma said…
pinku.. there are some wounds that truly never heal. and there's nothing i can say to ease the pain.
i lost my dad a month back.. still coming to terms with the reality of it all. meanwhile, life moves on.

wherever ur dad is... he'll be looking down upon u. proud of u. :)
BIG hug!
2:32 am, June 17, 2008
Pinku said…
Dear dear Pinknblu, u r right I dont need an anchor perhaps but I do need a rudder atleast...otherwise this floating will be goal-less, meaningless. Will u promise to be that?

Dear Manpreet,

what can i say, u already share my grief. u are right those of us left behind perhaps need more prayers and good wishes than those departed. Lets continue to support each other.

Thanks Sujoy, and dont worry am not taking offence at the khit pit on Polka's blog. All of us have a right to our opinion.

Dear Rayshma,

a big hug to u darling. I had a hunch ur trip to India wasn't successful but dreaded asking the question.
u r right some wounds never heal...be there for ur mom and siblings and allow ur grief to flow. Remember the beautiful moments shared and thank God for them.
Am there in anyway I can be of help.
10:19 am, June 17, 2008
Keshi said…
Pinku Im crying now. Im so sorry to hear abt ur dad and ur sis too. HUGZ! can I ask what happened to ur sis? if u dun wanna talk abt it, its ok.


**How would my life have shaped up if that fateful day he had not died but recovered?

I always wonder abt that too. Cos my dad died when I was just 16 and he was 44 (his first n last heart attack). I miss him so very much. And sometimes I write abt him in my blog. I'll keep his memory alive as long as Im alive.

Ur tribute to ur dad here is such a lovely and great gesture from a loving daughter. Some ppl forget their loved-ones when they die...but u hvnt. And thats a great thing!

Life is full of strange twists...fate unfolds in front of us, whether we want it or not. Stay strong no matter what.


*HUGZ*

Keshi.
10:24 am, June 17, 2008
Pinku said…
Dear Keshi,

I lost my father the way u did and almost at the same age.The fact that we haven't done to badly without them being physically around shows that their blessings are with us, no matter what.

U wanted to know what happened to my sis...well she committed sucide becoz she couldnt score a first division in her class tenth exams. Incidentally yesterday was also her death anniversary.

Life indeed has strange twists and turns.

thanks for dropping by, its heartening to know that i am not the only one with this grief...there are many who share.
10:48 am, June 17, 2008
Trevor Penn said…
If you ever need a shoulder ... or two... i've got two perfectly good ones. Take care.
5:50 pm, June 17, 2008
Pinku said…
thanks Trevor, appreciate ur gesture
10:24 am, June 18, 2008
Keshi said…
heyy Pinku!

*The fact that we haven't done to badly without them being physically around shows that their blessings are with us, no matter what.


yes, thats so true. Cos w.o. our dads, we cud hv easily fallen apart. But we both did quite well and that proves they're watching over us.


**sis

Im so very sorry to hear that! It must be so v hard for u and ur mum. WOW, what a lot u hv to bear alone. Its a tough life isnt it.

But I can see u hv a deep u'standing of life cos of all these sad experiences and I know u'll be alright with almost any blow in life. Cos u've faced the worst. *HUGZ* TC and know that ur not alone.


Keshi.
5:03 pm, June 18, 2008
Pinku said…
hi Keshi,

yes it was bad, especially for mom. I still had studies and then jobs and friends to fall back on. she had always been a homemaker and suddenly half of that home was not there to be look aftered.

My experiences have taught many a valuable lesson in life thats true.

Thanks for being around.
5:58 pm, June 18, 2008
Seventh Scorpio said…
life is made of so many variables. thank you for a glimpse into your Enchanted Life. never stop writing. never stop feeling. each word you write is an example of your strength. i am blessed to know you.
11:43 am, June 19, 2008
Keshi said…
*HUGZ* luv!

Keshi.
10:23 am, June 20, 2008
Mampi said…
You are tagged.
11:11 am, June 20, 2008
Indian Home Maker said…
Came to your blog from Manpreet's after reading your very positively worded comment.
Your post brought tears to my eyes, life has been hard on you and your mom. I am glad you are writing about it...Hugs to you both.
5:11 pm, June 20, 2008
Pinku said…
Dear Seventh Scorpio,

all of us suffer at different times. its destiny....I love to write and it feels wonderful to know that people like you sitting miles away connect with me even if briefly through it.

Love this blog world its given me some wonderful friends.

hey manpreet.....did the needful dutifully

Hey IHM....thanks for ur visit and ur kind words....
6:33 pm, June 20, 2008
Anonymous said…
Your post brought tears to my eyes,
life can sometimes be very cruel and bad....and we have to blame it on destiney and move on....

hugs to both if u...
11:41 am, June 21, 2008
Pinku said…
Dear invincible,

how can someone called invincible cry?
Thanks for the hugs...some coming back your way...
afterall each one of us is a fighter and survivor in some way or the other
4:00 pm, June 27, 2008
Priyanka said…
Sorry to hear about the deaths in your family. Nothing can be said that can take away the pain. We just have to live with it, try to focus on the positive in our life and move on. I wish you all the best in life !!!
10:10 pm, June 30, 2008
Pinku said…
Dear Priyanka (my namesake)

thanks for ur wishes.
11:03 am, July 01, 2008
Me said…
Pinku,
Lady, you bring tears in my eyes yaar!!!!! Stay happy dearie and that is all I pray... I just wish that you get back all the love and happiness you missed
6:54 pm, July 01, 2008
Pinku said…
Dear Me, thanks for your prayers.
5:57 pm, October 03, 2008
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Some dreams

-
I started out in life with some dreams, a couple of aspirations and a few vague goals of how I wanted to live life. There were some do’s and don’t in my list of things like am sure everyone has. The most important of these was an attempt to live an honest, uncomplicated life. Honest not in the Gandhian sense of telling the truth no matter what rather in being able to openly do what I wanted to do. One thing I have always hated is the need for camouflage. I never wanted to be the prettiest, the best, the wealthiest all I wanted was contentment and the opportunity to be happy and make those around me happy in whatever small measure I could. Now at the much experienced age of thirty when I survey the scene around me all I find is a Mahabharat like battlefield littered with the carcasses of my dreams, aspirations, well intentioned actions and my goals …my goals are nowhere to be found. They abandoned the field long back, stealthily, leaving me to fend for myself as best as I could. I have ...
Read more

Pines & Snow

-
Image
I have been writing about my trips on this blog regularly under the label footprints . So much so that part of the excitement of going on a trip now seems to be the recounting of it once back on the blog for friends. The trip this time was no different, since right from the beginning I kept filing away details in my mind and clicking pictures all with the view that it would get space on the blog. However since my travel mate Mampi is already writing about the exact activities of the trip in great detail I am not going to repeat it. You can visit her blog for details. Let me therefore share with you some snippets and photographs. It was Dalhousie that we went to this time. Famously nicknamed " dull & lousy " by the boisterous crowds, the place is a military cantonment and a quaint little town that was set up just 150 years ago. We arrived there in high spirits, the thrill of having escaped the mundane hectic lives we normally lead giving all of us extra broad smiles. A ...
Read more

A question?

-
Image
Is this where it all started? This murder of brother by brother? This raping of the Motherland? We were fooled then, are we going to continue doing so for ever? Will we never learn any lessons? (Please read the english text on the image to understand where I am coming from. Frankly I have'nt verified the authenticity of this statement but I can't help believing that this or something similar was planned to bring my golden country down to its knees. )
Read more