Should you be reading this?

If you are reading this, you probably have some time to kill, are mildly interested in knowing what new worm has wriggled out of my mind or have hit on my blog while idling through some others.

No, don't squirm, there is really no need to?

The reason and subject of this particular post is not you at all, its me. I have hit on this medium of communication (largely self communication may I add) lately and am totally obsessed with it like all true converts.

Its in the past couple of days when this blog was taken off the Indian ether (don't know if its true for the world yet) that I realised the extent of this habit I had formed in just over two months. And that set me thinking, I tried to understand why I write.

Is it the need to write down what I feel, think or imagine? I could just as easily write a diary in the comfort of my home, why then do I wait for these little snatches of time in office and get online to scribble a few lines at a time? Look around furtively to see if the boss is looking and have three other windows open to be switched to incase she comes too close.

Is it like a friend says, my need to grab attention? But then hardly anybody knows about my blog. I did inform close friends but that too just once and I don't mail them to let them know a new post has been added. So strictly speaking that reason doesn't work either.

Do I feel a thrill in knowing that my private thoughts are floating around for total strangers to tap into? But then the chances of a stranger arriving on my blog unsolicited is negligible. In the past two months only one such person has commented on my blog and I assume he is the only one who accidentally came to my blog. No go on this front too.

I failed to understand my own need to type in words, sometimes with such fury and urgency that it seemed that I had been set a task which I must finish by all means within an unseen, unspoken deadline or else...

Perhaps it stems from the fact that humans are essentially social animals and the need to communicate, to exchange ideas, to argue, to debate is as important as the need for food and water. And when a human being feels thwarted in his or her attempts at self expression it flows out like this in the form of written words, music, dance or art.

Yes, that must be it, I am perhaps looking for companionship of the heart and mind in a world largely dominated by relations based on physical proximity. I want to seduce you with my words, pull you into a relation where you will open up and tell me all about what you think and feel. I do this by first baring myself for you to see, feel and judge me by. I have set you an example will you follow?

So then will you give me a chance? Will you let me come close enough to see what you are all about, understand and appreciate the person you really are?

Or will you read this post, smile to yourself at the words of a woman who appears half mad and go on with your life of air kisses and fake smiles.