Pinku-Enchanted Life

Hold it in both hands draw attention by looking into his eyes with a mysterious smile. Wait for him to draw close, interest and curiosity making him a little breathless wondering what it could be that makes your eyes twinkle so. Hold it up and whisper I got it especially for you. Look up at him with adoring eyes, wait with bated breathe for him to accept then look on as he tears open your carefully done wrapping. He looks it over and says well this is nice but couldn't you have bought a different colour? I already have three of these. You look on, fumble for an answer then ask shall I have it changed? He thinks for a moment and then replies, leave it we can gift it to the neighbour on his wedding You nod your agreement. After all you can't dispute that it is a lot of trouble to go back to the store you had had turned upside down looking for that particular shade of blue. Gift giving you decide is an art no doubt but having it accepted is God's blessing no less.

The haze lifted momentarily and my eyes slowly focused on the fast zooming fan stuck to the wall as I tried to recall where I was. Then it struck me I was back in my one room PG digs and the throbbing in my body and head was caused by the sudden high fever and the exertion of the past hours. As I reached for the bottle of water kept somewhere on the bed my head reeled and I had the distinct feeling of being on a roller coaster. Roller coaster, the thought brought with it a smile and a groan. That’s how I had described my life nine months back and everyday since then had been nothing but a new ride at a new speed with new hurdles. The latest lap on it had been an impromptu trip to the hills. It started of pretty inanely with a wish to breathe in some fresh air outside the confines of the city limits and it somehow stretched into a long ride which finished at my favorite hill station, Nainital and then a mad rush to be back in the city in time for office. They say people never forget the...

I want to write and put in order the terribly confusing thoughts in my mind. But I am afraid to put them down in black and white. That would mean confronting them, accepting them as mine, born from me. How can I let that happen? How can I irrefutably allow them that distinction? I must hide my thoughts; glance at them only furtively making sure that no one knows what I am thinking. Thoughts can be very dangerous, one must think a hundred times before indulging in them and a thousand before revealing them to anyone else. Why you ask I feel this way? You feel I am paranoid? Let me tell you then, I had thought of, created in my dreams a life filled with love and laughter. Honesty, benevolence, goodwill, a broad approach to life and the living all had a place under the sun in that world. It was all very nice, very beautiful. But then I destroyed it. Know how? I shared it with people I thought were companions. Those people listened, nodded their heads and smiled as if convinced with all of ...