Pinku-Enchanted Life

He had started doubting her every action. As her importance and esteem at her work place increased so did his distrust of her. He couldn’t believe it was possible for a woman to be able to rise so quickly without granting sexual favors. Commitment, hard work and intelligence were not things he thought much about and in case of a woman they were just not applicable was his firm belief. His distrust was something she couldn’t stand for honesty was to her the core essence of a marriage and if two partners couldn’t be honest to each other how they could be in the same conjugal bed was beyond her. The same belief had led her to speak in detail about her past relationship to her husband before they were even engaged and his reaction then had been of a thorough gentleman saying he was lucky he had her cause most women nowadays had relations before marriage and few would be truthful enough to admit it. She had been pleasantly surprised and her heart at peace she had prepared for her marriage.

A month went by with no change in his behavior. She frequently reminded him of their chat and the deadline. He ignored the whole issue with either a witty remark or a silence depending upon the mood he was in. Her life now centered around her office, a place which gave her recognition, a sense of worth and of course the opportunity to talk to her new friend. These chats and emails had become the focal point of her life. They gave her the strength and resolution which she would have lacked on her own. Not that they discussed her personal life but she found a kindred spirit and it helped to know that at least one person in the world thought like she did. Finally they met, she happened to have a meeting in his part of the city and could spare some time after it and he as frequently happened was alone, his family being with his in-laws. So they finally met on the last day of the year at a coffee shop filled with youngsters. The meeting was monumental and awkward at the same time. How do yo

She continued with the new job. Pleasantly surprised that her new bosses praised her often for her initiative and common sense something she had become so unused to in her life. Within a month and half of joining she was given a substantial raise. She wanted to convey the happy news to someone, she thought of who to call first and the answer that her mind threw up surprised even her. She called up the phone friend she had acquired and told him the happy news, he congratulated her wholeheartedly and they discussed yet again the possibility of meeting someday soon. This had almost become a joke between them since whenever they planned to meet something or the other would disrupt the plans. She called up her mom next who at that time was traveling, she as always was pleased with the news but again like always said it could have been, should have been better. Finally she called up her husband wondering in what manner her news would be received. She was already aware of the change in his ma

It was an ordinary day. She got up made breakfast and the five course lunch that her husband would carry to his office. Was too exhausted to move by the time he came back from pumping iron but like any other day she obliged him by allowing him to pump his seeds into her. This he said was necessary for his keeping fit and vital so she acquiesced. Then the race to office and he was kind enough to drop her close to her office which he usually didn’t since that meant he drive a kilometer extra to reach his which came before hers. Must have lifted more weight than usual or someone must have admired his six pack at the gym she calculated mentally. Such charity from him after all was rare. A mundane day at office and then an acquaintance called to ask why she had not forwarded her CV to her husband since she had already told him about her and he was waiting to hear from her. Truth be told she had forgotten all about her chat with the lady about a job change the other day and she promised to d

Death they say comes only once. What do they know? In my life it comes so often that I have forgotten to count. That time when the Maths teacher pointed out that my scores were the least in a class of 56. When the boy I fancied told me to deliver a love note to my friend. And then horror of horrors they went out on a date. Once when I jumped trying to be brave from the ramparts of an old fort and landed up with a broken ankle. Also when I nearly drowned in trying to cross a stream and reach the other side. And more than once when I hear the bitterness in a loved ones’ voice. Tell me then how can they say that death comes only once? What do they know?

Hi! It's been so long since I last wrote a post. It almost feels like a home coming after a very long journey. I have been extremely busy trying to put personal and professional life in order and that's kept me away from the blog. For the last few days many thoughts that I would want to share, a few questions I want to ask and ideas of stories have been germinating. The itch to write is back and am sure something will develop soon and I will be able to share it with friends. Right now all I want to say is your smile means a lot to me so please keep smiling for my sake. Together we will make this world worth living, believe me. Love Pinku

I came to this city with a lot of emotional baggage and a hope to be let alone, to live my life the way I want to. I am leaving it with many a fond memory and the realization that real freedom is within our own soul. I have tried to capture the mood of this city in my camera and my mind and though the later are only mine to savor the former are here for you to share in.

I dream of things past, things that are yet to happen. Even things that can never happen like my father speaking to grown up me since he died when I had just turned sixteen. My dreams are vivid, life like at times more real than my real life. I cry, laugh and get angry in my dreams. I make friends, seduce people, fight, quarrel and makeup. At times I find I am swimming, though in real life I don’t know how to, it doesn’t seem to frighten me. Of late my dreams have been very disturbing; I have been part of activities which have made me feel ashamed of myself, even guilty of crimes unknown. I have seen myself trying to sexually please people with whom I don’t have a sexual relation. I have a feeling that I am trying to undo a wrong, pay a penalty perhaps. I don’t want to feel this way. I think I know what is happening, the subconscious part of me which wants to go back to being the ‘good girl’ of everyone’s aspiration is hitting out in the only realm it can. That of my dreams for in my a

Mom always the rational voice had a great theory, walk into the battlefield of love by all means but don’t jump in without preparation. Ensure you know the ground realities, have done a count of the enemy forces and most important of all know and keep the retreat option ready. Involve yourself like a professional with the head not the heart. What it means is ensure the person on the other side is more smitten by you than you are. Belongs to the right social and economical background. Is good looking, well educated and has or atleast has the prospects of having a substantial bank balance in times to come. No, this doesn’t mean that mom was heartless just practical. ‘After all it’s the question of your entire life or atleast a good chunk of it, so why take chances?’ is what she asked time and again I found her rationale very, very irrational. Love by its very definition is supposed to be all about the heart. No, not the biological heart which pumps blood, but that heart which is actually

Walked into another traffic police tow away yard to claim my vehicle, it’s become almost second nature now. Feel orphaned if those guys don’t pick on me atleast once a week. The city is so crowded one cant find a parking space in the rush of meeting an appointment deadline and ever so often when you come back for the car you find it missing and some gaping hanger-ons grinning at your discomfiture. So that’s what had happened yet again. By now I am pretty well trained to handle this situation and I walked up to the cops cabin to pay the required amount and retrieve my vehicle and then happened the incident that refuses to fade. As I stood there, a small white car zoomed out of its parking space towards the exit point from which a truck was just moving out. Shouts of stop, rokko went up everywhere and the truck guy stopped moving thereby effectively blocking the passage, the white car came to a screeching halt. The window on the driver’s side was rolled down and the choicest expletives h

I started out in life with some dreams, a couple of aspirations and a few vague goals of how I wanted to live life. There were some do’s and don’t in my list of things like am sure everyone has. The most important of these was an attempt to live an honest, uncomplicated life. Honest not in the Gandhian sense of telling the truth no matter what rather in being able to openly do what I wanted to do. One thing I have always hated is the need for camouflage. I never wanted to be the prettiest, the best, the wealthiest all I wanted was contentment and the opportunity to be happy and make those around me happy in whatever small measure I could. Now at the much experienced age of thirty when I survey the scene around me all I find is a Mahabharat like battlefield littered with the carcasses of my dreams, aspirations, well intentioned actions and my goals …my goals are nowhere to be found. They abandoned the field long back, stealthily, leaving me to fend for myself as best as I could. I have

Woman: I miss you so much it’s difficult to carry on... Man: yes, I know you do, I miss you too. Woman: No you don’t atleast not the way I do. For me your absence feels like a gaping whole in the center of my being and whatever I may do or wherever I am I feel this empty space besides me, within me. Man: I understand all that but listen there are so many things you could do to keep yourself busy that will take your mind off me. Read, paint, listen to music, go out, catch a movie or a play, concentrate on your work you hold a responsible position. Woman: Why don’t you understand? I do all that, I also move things around the house, re-do my wardrobe for the umpteenth time, make friends with the neighborhood children and look out of the window at the neighbours but your non-presence still irks. Its like a toothache always there and no matter what you do, say or see it never leaves your side. Man: Sweets, you are being unreasonable, why can’t you enjoy life as it is and whenever we are tog

Remember watching fascinated, neck craning, breath caught in throat as your eyes followed the hero of your dreams soaring wingless high above you? You wanted to follow his footsteps, assuredly letting go of one swing as another moved towards you in a synchronized motion that never failed. The calm with which he sailed into space and reached out with complete confidence made him seem like Superman. You were told; ‘you are too young to follow, you must wait till you are older’ and you went away holding mommy’s hand promising yourself that you would come back as soon as you were old enough. The wait was oh! so long and you wondered many a time if the circus and the Trapeze man would still be there waiting for you or will they have gone away. Your heart wrenched at the thought and you couldn’t wait to grow up soon enough. Then one day you finally did. You were ready to soar into the sky. And you looked for the circus tent within which was the magical land of your dreams. But alas! now the

Hold it in both hands draw attention by looking into his eyes with a mysterious smile. Wait for him to draw close, interest and curiosity making him a little breathless wondering what it could be that makes your eyes twinkle so. Hold it up and whisper I got it especially for you. Look up at him with adoring eyes, wait with bated breathe for him to accept then look on as he tears open your carefully done wrapping. He looks it over and says well this is nice but couldn't you have bought a different colour? I already have three of these. You look on, fumble for an answer then ask shall I have it changed? He thinks for a moment and then replies, leave it we can gift it to the neighbour on his wedding You nod your agreement. After all you can't dispute that it is a lot of trouble to go back to the store you had had turned upside down looking for that particular shade of blue. Gift giving you decide is an art no doubt but having it accepted is God's blessing no less.

It had seemed the easiest thing to do - walk into a courtroom, sign some papers and walk out of it free from the chains of my defunct marriage. However walking out had seemed so much more difficult, why had my legs felt so leaden as I made my way back? Guess it’s not easy to admit defeat and that’s what this moment was. Admitting defeat that I had failed to prevent my three-year-old marriage from floundering. What had gone so horribly wrong? Why was I not able to manage it better? Why was the person now walking ahead of me seem so dear and yet so distant? It wasn't that long ago that we had walked like this in a circle around a fire asking it to be the witness to a relation that was to last through seven births. It had looked like the perfect match, age gap not withstanding. Everyone had commented on how perfect we looked together and he had been really glad that our names too were so similar almost as if destiny had planned us to be together always. Though the cynic in me had even