Walking into 40's...
From very early in life I have always believed that I would die off at 40. The reason I had arrived at this unique conclusion was the fact that both my granddad and dad had popped off in their 40's and in my romantic notion of things I had just assumed that I would do so too.
It didnt trouble me much cause at age 20, forty is a hoary old age and I was pretty sure that I would have lived life to the utmost by the time I turned forty so there really was not much to worry about.
Things however started turning a bit unpleasant as I approached the mid thirties. With a young kid around popping off in another five years time didn't seem such a pleasant thing any more. Three more years rolled away and then the second kid also came along and now the thought that he wouldnt even remember me much if I were to go at forty really started to bother.
At a lil after 39 I underwent a surgery which if not done in time could have resulted in something fatal and post my gaining consciousness from the anaesthesia (the operation which was scheduled for 20 minutes had taken over 3 hours) the first thing Parry told me was that you nearly died so now no more mention of dying at forty. While I smirked at him, secretly I was glad and happy to hang on to this thought as long as I could live around with and for my kids.
Having crossed all of this, the fortieth birthday finally arrived. The partner had outdone himself and everything I could have ever expected from him by booking us a ten day trip to a part of the country that I had long wanted to see and never visited.
So it happened that I ushered in my birthday while watching the Kanchenjunga, visiting monasteries and walking around in beautiful Gangtok.
The trip and the serene environment allowed me the luxury of pondering over what this stage of life really meant and I could prioritise and put into perspective a lot of things which otherwise cluttered up my mind space and I had till now kept pushing them back, ignoring them in an attempt to lead a life more ordinary. More in sync with everyone around me.
My greatest learning was the fact that I am different from others and that I need not be ashamed of it. I am my own person, with my own value system, likes and passions. They may not match with others but they still deserved to be acknowledged and entertained.
What I also realised was that the only person I can comprehensively change is myself. So if I wanted to see a change I would have to change first.
From Gangtok we travelled to North Sikkim and for the next few days stayed in remote areas where connectivity with the outside world was an issue but the connection with the almighty very very strong. We travelled through places which felt charged with spiritual powers and the untouched beauty of the land was something beyond description.
Pristine air, crystal clear waters, simple food and simpler people all pointed to the possibility of a saner life if only we would try to drop the many pretences we carry with us all the time.
As I write this post I relive those moments in my mind's eye and I know that the memory would be forever refreshing and re-energising for me.
Thank you Parry I couldn't have asked for a better birthday gift.
Oh and I must mention all the friends, relatives and colleagues who ensured that my birthday celebrations continued till the weekend just gone by...making it a truly memorable birthday.
It didnt trouble me much cause at age 20, forty is a hoary old age and I was pretty sure that I would have lived life to the utmost by the time I turned forty so there really was not much to worry about.
Things however started turning a bit unpleasant as I approached the mid thirties. With a young kid around popping off in another five years time didn't seem such a pleasant thing any more. Three more years rolled away and then the second kid also came along and now the thought that he wouldnt even remember me much if I were to go at forty really started to bother.
At a lil after 39 I underwent a surgery which if not done in time could have resulted in something fatal and post my gaining consciousness from the anaesthesia (the operation which was scheduled for 20 minutes had taken over 3 hours) the first thing Parry told me was that you nearly died so now no more mention of dying at forty. While I smirked at him, secretly I was glad and happy to hang on to this thought as long as I could live around with and for my kids.
Having crossed all of this, the fortieth birthday finally arrived. The partner had outdone himself and everything I could have ever expected from him by booking us a ten day trip to a part of the country that I had long wanted to see and never visited.
So it happened that I ushered in my birthday while watching the Kanchenjunga, visiting monasteries and walking around in beautiful Gangtok.
The trip and the serene environment allowed me the luxury of pondering over what this stage of life really meant and I could prioritise and put into perspective a lot of things which otherwise cluttered up my mind space and I had till now kept pushing them back, ignoring them in an attempt to lead a life more ordinary. More in sync with everyone around me.
My greatest learning was the fact that I am different from others and that I need not be ashamed of it. I am my own person, with my own value system, likes and passions. They may not match with others but they still deserved to be acknowledged and entertained.
What I also realised was that the only person I can comprehensively change is myself. So if I wanted to see a change I would have to change first.
From Gangtok we travelled to North Sikkim and for the next few days stayed in remote areas where connectivity with the outside world was an issue but the connection with the almighty very very strong. We travelled through places which felt charged with spiritual powers and the untouched beauty of the land was something beyond description.
Pristine air, crystal clear waters, simple food and simpler people all pointed to the possibility of a saner life if only we would try to drop the many pretences we carry with us all the time.
As I write this post I relive those moments in my mind's eye and I know that the memory would be forever refreshing and re-energising for me.
Thank you Parry I couldn't have asked for a better birthday gift.
Oh and I must mention all the friends, relatives and colleagues who ensured that my birthday celebrations continued till the weekend just gone by...making it a truly memorable birthday.
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| A lovely note that I happened to spot on my birthday at a cafe. |
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