I started out in life with some dreams, a couple of aspirations and a few vague goals of how I wanted to live life. There were some do’s and don’t in my list of things like am sure everyone has. The most important of these was an attempt to live an honest, uncomplicated life. Honest not in the Gandhian sense of telling the truth no matter what rather in being able to openly do what I wanted to do. One thing I have always hated is the need for camouflage. I never wanted to be the prettiest, the best, the wealthiest all I wanted was contentment and the opportunity to be happy and make those around me happy in whatever small measure I could. Now at the much experienced age of thirty when I survey the scene around me all I find is a Mahabharat like battlefield littered with the carcasses of my dreams, aspirations, well intentioned actions and my goals …my goals are nowhere to be found. They abandoned the field long back, stealthily, leaving me to fend for myself as best as I could. I have
Life began as a multi-hued carnival of sight, sound, laughter and sometimes tears for a favorite doll lost or a toe hurt. It grew into something very black & white as teenage approached. Everything was seen through the grave lenses of ideology that was grafted and then crafted from the many books, films, snatches of conversations and bits of life experiences one went through. The twenties brought with them financial independence and the dawning of the fact that life was more than black& white. Also more importantly the fact that what was black to me was quite fair in the world’s view and what was pristine white to me was seen as dirty and abhor-able by the world. Now standing inside the gateway of thirties having dealt with bereavement, public ignominy, loss and the breaking of dreams and aspirations I understand that life is neither black nor white nor is it multi-colored, its infact just a grey. A grey that turns, swirls and moves like the early morning fog. At times it break
My relation with my God is special. God is a friend, philosopher, and guide to me. At times also a fellow prankster. I call him by many names and at times that I am really feeling good I even think of Him as Her. God to me is omnipresent, omnipotent and yes God looks after me and its not the other way round. Yes He does expect me to help my fellow beings but mind you my God is strong infact he is the strongest and he doesn’t need me, I need him. The names I call him depend on what it is that I seek from him. When I need hope I call him Jesus . When its patience I seek I call him Shiva . When very tired and looking for more stamina I call him Allah (say the word out loud without any preconceived notions and feel what I mean). When its strength I seek I call him Wahe Guru and when I wonder about his inconceivable powers I think of him as Yahweh (the unknowable). When knowledge is what I look for I think of him as the Buddha . So you see my God has many names and he stays true to each
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