Happy Rakshabandhan

I was a little more than three when mom was expecting my sibling. On the train to Durgapur where my masi stayed and where we were headed for the delivery, people kept telling me that soon you will have a little brother to play with. The thought disgusted me so much that I warned Mom I might throw the new baby out of the train if she gave me a baby brother. I had wanted a baby sister desperately and brothers were not my idea of fun or playmates.
Mom kept her promise and Payel was born on 29th august 1980. A small little baby all pink and very small. I claimed ownership from the first day onwards, she was MY sister and no one had more rights to her than me. Mom says I used to wake up with a start at night even if the baby were to wail once.
Back in Faridabad, every small gift I got, a few toffees from a classmates birthday in school or a little something that friends or relatives gave I would first offer to Pukai as we called her. We never had any sibling rivalry or atleast I didn’t. Once she grew up she thought didi was smarter at certain things and very dumb at others and made it a point to pull me up on all those aspects in which I didn’t meet her exacting standards. She after all was a virgo, a perfectionist, while my taurean strain made me a bull headed rebel at times.
I had asked God for a playmate, so when I attained adulthood at eighteen God decided I had played enough and took Payel away. I returned from a short holiday to Kolkata to find her cold dead body awaiting my arrival.
I had been numb on the way to the mortuary to claim her body. It was only in the hearse when I touched her and saw the rough way she had been cut up and then like a sack sewn together with twine, that I felt any anger and the anger had been towards the doctors, didn’t they know my sister was very soft? Her skin bruised too easily? Even a firm handshake could leave a mark? How could they do this to her? And she was naked, how dare they see my sister naked?
I performed the last rites, touched fire to her lips and bade her farewell forever.
I am left with all her things, paintings, clothes, memories, photographs but no sister.
I and mom tried to understand what happened and slowly it dawned that for my painfully shy sister, getting a second division in class tenth was worse than death. She had always been told by my grandma that none of her grandchildren ever scored less than a first division. Payel was dismayed to have broken that record even if it be exactly by four marks. I was on a holiday to Kolkata and was supposed to bring Grandma back with me. Payel didn’t know how to face her, so she took her life.
My sister who had confided in me her smallest thought and desire didn’t feel it important to let me know how she felt about it. So now she stays with dad in heaven while I and mom wait out our time on earth hoping to join them someday and be a happy family again.

Happy rakshabandhan to all those who are lucky enough to have a sibling. I failed to protect my sister please do ensure you don’t.
Please do take out the time to reconnect, to keep your ego aside and talk. To give a hug and smile a genuine smile together.