Pinku-Enchanted Life

I want to write and put in order the terribly confusing thoughts in my mind. But I am afraid to put them down in black and white. That would mean confronting them, accepting them as mine, born from me. How can I let that happen? How can I irrefutably allow them that distinction? I must hide my thoughts; glance at them only furtively making sure that no one knows what I am thinking. Thoughts can be very dangerous, one must think a hundred times before indulging in them and a thousand before revealing them to anyone else. Why you ask I feel this way? You feel I am paranoid? Let me tell you then, I had thought of, created in my dreams a life filled with love and laughter. Honesty, benevolence, goodwill, a broad approach to life and the living all had a place under the sun in that world. It was all very nice, very beautiful. But then I destroyed it. Know how? I shared it with people I thought were companions. Those people listened, nodded their heads and smiled as if convinced with all of

Tramp on dream on that’s what its all about Gloat over small successes weep over frustrations and going nowhere days Envision a better future find a bleary one staring at you instead bite your tongue bow your head and make that one last effort yet again who knows flighty luck may alight on you this once

The balcony was a secluded affair. Small with just enough space to accommodate two chairs it looked meant for those moments in life when you forget about the existence of any other being except perhaps you and the person with you (if you are lucky enough to have someone with you that is). The view stretched out over the tin and slate rooftops to the mountain whose summit had vanished into the clouds. It was a sparkling green in color with pockets of darker green where perhaps the trees had crowded over too much. I sat with my pen and diary, as is my wont whenever I am traveling, ready to scribble whatever stray thought would enter my head. But both lay unused as I sat and looked at the rain falling from the sky, the rooftops, the leaves, the wires, the balcony grill. It seemed ironical that here I was on a beautiful hill station, in a secluded balcony, with the most romantic rainfall imaginable and no one to share it with. Why is life so unfair? My friends had hinted at just this when

I wanted to create a wish list of my own and the blog guided me to froogle I asked for a cottage by the sea and it showed me paintings named so at nine dollars each. I was disappointed so I left it mid way, the things I want froogle can’t give me and the blog doesn’t allow what froogle doesn’t. So I decided to create my own post with my own wish list, one that I can keep updating and adding to without anyone bothering me. Here goes: · A cottage by the sea · And one in the mountains · A month long cruise · A trek in the mountains · A night spend in the open desert · Vist Leh, Andamans, Sri Lanka, Brazil, Israel, · Bathe in a waterfall much like the Liril girl but without people staring at me with or without lenses · Hear the open air concert that Leon mentions in Exodus · Love and be loved selflessly, freely without chains · Loads and loads of books, music and films to go through · A magic garden where I could plant a plant from every place I visit and they would all live together in ha

Hi, I am off on another jaunt. Am not sure where but I think it will be the hills, have been daydreaming of the rains in the hills for the past few days. It’s a beautiful sight and the rainwater seems to wash away every worry, every problem, I am hoping it will do the same for me yet again. The last few days have been full of turmoil and I find it hard to concentrate on work or even hope for a better future without the bitterness of the present seeping into it. Anyways, just the thought of traveling has perked me up a bit and I thought I would share with you some fun snippets from my previous trips. Over heard in a train: “Iska paer kharab hai, uska pet kharab hai aur mera dimaag kharab hai” a man telling a flustered middle-aged lady who is asking everyone around to exchange seats with her since she has got a middle berth. The viewer’s view: “chaliye yahan khare ho jayiye aur neeche dekhiye, yeh Mussourie ka view point hai. Chaliye, chaliye aab aage chaliye” A tour guide shepherding hi

The sky over the mountains was pink as if flushed with first love. She sat frozen to her seat enraptured by the sight, forgetting her surroundings even forgetting to breathe. A polite cough broke the trance and she had looked back to find an elderly gentleman smiling down at her. 'Its beautiful isn't it?' He asked, she had only been able to nod in answer while clearing the spare chair of her papers and books. She had offered the chair to him, he sat down and together they had watched the pink slowly turn into magenta to a deep purple to a despondent indigo. Only when the first star twinkled in the sky had they started talking. Rather he had asked and she had answered. She had been a little wary of telling a stranger that she was traveling alone, that she had fought and lost the battle for normalcy in her life and was now on her own. He had kept asking questions the way only those who have seen everything the world has to show can, brushing aside decorum and the need for pri

It had seemed the easiest thing to do - walk into a courtroom, sign some papers and walk out of it free from the chains of my defunct marriage. However walking out had seemed so much more difficult, why had my legs felt so leaden as I made my way back? Guess it’s not easy to admit defeat and that’s what this moment was. Admitting defeat that I had failed to prevent my three-year-old marriage from floundering. What had gone so horribly wrong? Why was I not able to manage it better? Why was the person now walking ahead of me seem so dear and yet so distant? It wasn't that long ago that we had walked like this in a circle around a fire asking it to be the witness to a relation that was to last through seven births. It had looked like the perfect match, age gap not withstanding. Everyone had commented on how perfect we looked together and he had been really glad that our names too were so similar almost as if destiny had planned us to be together always. Though the cynic in me had even