The Kingfisher Renounces Fish.

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Lofty thoughts permeate, kindness fills my heart, goodwill makes my eyes shine and I feel as holy as the shrine of the local saint.

I am willing to sacrifice all for the current focus of my benevolence. No selfish thought is allowed entry and I go about doing all it takes with the zeal of a new missionary. Determined to change the world into a better place by tomorrow morning if not tonight.

I walk with a lighter step, smile at the Manager of the office next door and the guy who sweeps the stairs with equal friendliness and have an exaggerated sense of well-being.

I wholly believe that I have found the sublime truth of life and that is to love a fellow being with utter selflessness. And I rejoice, exult in this knowledge.

Only for a tiny pinprick to burst my bubble.

A pang of jealousy, a hint of uncertainty, a teeny-weeny bit of insecurity and suddenly I don’t feel so great any more.

I land back with a thump on the quagmire of human feelings and desire. The beloved needs only be with me, how can he want anything otherwise? Why should I worry about the feelings of others or their rights? Why can’t I have everything that I want? Even though I may not really know what I want from one moment to the next.

So I vacillate between being a saint and a sinner. And get vexed at not being able to be either completely.

Like a Kingfisher who renounces fish. Nature however has not equipped him for anything else so he frets & fumes and goes back to eating fish.

And then comes the thought that perhaps this is life - lofty ideals and their humble implementation.

Why should not my ideals be in conflict with my wants (and no I will not call them my baser instincts)? This is what makes me human. And you too.



In case you are wondering if it is written with you in mind. Absolutely it is.

Comments

Anonymous said…
to comment, i have to regain my senses...
5:18 pm, July 11, 2006
Sundari said…
WOW...what was that...
u have captured something very elusive in ur post
12:48 pm, July 12, 2006
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