Pinku-Enchanted Life

(Hope all you guys out there....yes you too the one that goes by the name of God are listening) A hot cup of coffee in the morning. Everyday! Trip overseas ideally to Europe if not then Israel or Turkey would do A piece of chocolate to lick after dinner. You guessed it, every night!! A zoom lens for my camera that sees beyond what I see A warm smile to greet my every whim!!! A SUV Cakes, muffins and cheese bread all baked at home!!!! Loads of new clothes and shoes & bags to match with each Love, friendship and the support of loved ones!!!!!

Hi! I have not been writing for over a fortnight. Its not that I didnt want to, I tried writing, sometime jotted down a sentence, sometimes keyed in a whole paragraph. But nothing seems right. Nothing makes sense. I want to fall into a long untroubled sleep and wake up to see all the issues washed away. I am being a little selfish, I am seeking my own happiness. Can it be so wrong? I try and do my duty towards everyone honestly, to the best of my ability. I dont shirk responsibility or the ugly things of life. Cant I be entitled to a little beauty, contentment, happiness then? I dont know what to say anymore. What arguments helps one win a war with loved ones. I want to cry and lament at the state of affairs of my life but its all wound up inside and its doesnt flow. I wish it would, I wish this pain would ease. Pray for me. Please pray for a miracle.

He had started doubting her every action. As her importance and esteem at her work place increased so did his distrust of her. He couldn’t believe it was possible for a woman to be able to rise so quickly without granting sexual favors. Commitment, hard work and intelligence were not things he thought much about and in case of a woman they were just not applicable was his firm belief. His distrust was something she couldn’t stand for honesty was to her the core essence of a marriage and if two partners couldn’t be honest to each other how they could be in the same conjugal bed was beyond her. The same belief had led her to speak in detail about her past relationship to her husband before they were even engaged and his reaction then had been of a thorough gentleman saying he was lucky he had her cause most women nowadays had relations before marriage and few would be truthful enough to admit it. She had been pleasantly surprised and her heart at peace she had prepared for her marriage. ...

A month went by with no change in his behavior. She frequently reminded him of their chat and the deadline. He ignored the whole issue with either a witty remark or a silence depending upon the mood he was in. Her life now centered around her office, a place which gave her recognition, a sense of worth and of course the opportunity to talk to her new friend. These chats and emails had become the focal point of her life. They gave her the strength and resolution which she would have lacked on her own. Not that they discussed her personal life but she found a kindred spirit and it helped to know that at least one person in the world thought like she did. Finally they met, she happened to have a meeting in his part of the city and could spare some time after it and he as frequently happened was alone, his family being with his in-laws. So they finally met on the last day of the year at a coffee shop filled with youngsters. The meeting was monumental and awkward at the same time. How do yo...

She continued with the new job. Pleasantly surprised that her new bosses praised her often for her initiative and common sense something she had become so unused to in her life. Within a month and half of joining she was given a substantial raise. She wanted to convey the happy news to someone, she thought of who to call first and the answer that her mind threw up surprised even her. She called up the phone friend she had acquired and told him the happy news, he congratulated her wholeheartedly and they discussed yet again the possibility of meeting someday soon. This had almost become a joke between them since whenever they planned to meet something or the other would disrupt the plans. She called up her mom next who at that time was traveling, she as always was pleased with the news but again like always said it could have been, should have been better. Finally she called up her husband wondering in what manner her news would be received. She was already aware of the change in his ma...

It was an ordinary day. She got up made breakfast and the five course lunch that her husband would carry to his office. Was too exhausted to move by the time he came back from pumping iron but like any other day she obliged him by allowing him to pump his seeds into her. This he said was necessary for his keeping fit and vital so she acquiesced. Then the race to office and he was kind enough to drop her close to her office which he usually didn’t since that meant he drive a kilometer extra to reach his which came before hers. Must have lifted more weight than usual or someone must have admired his six pack at the gym she calculated mentally. Such charity from him after all was rare. A mundane day at office and then an acquaintance called to ask why she had not forwarded her CV to her husband since she had already told him about her and he was waiting to hear from her. Truth be told she had forgotten all about her chat with the lady about a job change the other day and she promised to d...

Death they say comes only once. What do they know? In my life it comes so often that I have forgotten to count. That time when the Maths teacher pointed out that my scores were the least in a class of 56. When the boy I fancied told me to deliver a love note to my friend. And then horror of horrors they went out on a date. Once when I jumped trying to be brave from the ramparts of an old fort and landed up with a broken ankle. Also when I nearly drowned in trying to cross a stream and reach the other side. And more than once when I hear the bitterness in a loved ones’ voice. Tell me then how can they say that death comes only once? What do they know?

Hi! It's been so long since I last wrote a post. It almost feels like a home coming after a very long journey. I have been extremely busy trying to put personal and professional life in order and that's kept me away from the blog. For the last few days many thoughts that I would want to share, a few questions I want to ask and ideas of stories have been germinating. The itch to write is back and am sure something will develop soon and I will be able to share it with friends. Right now all I want to say is your smile means a lot to me so please keep smiling for my sake. Together we will make this world worth living, believe me. Love Pinku

I came to this city with a lot of emotional baggage and a hope to be let alone, to live my life the way I want to. I am leaving it with many a fond memory and the realization that real freedom is within our own soul. I have tried to capture the mood of this city in my camera and my mind and though the later are only mine to savor the former are here for you to share in.

I dream of things past, things that are yet to happen. Even things that can never happen like my father speaking to grown up me since he died when I had just turned sixteen. My dreams are vivid, life like at times more real than my real life. I cry, laugh and get angry in my dreams. I make friends, seduce people, fight, quarrel and makeup. At times I find I am swimming, though in real life I don’t know how to, it doesn’t seem to frighten me. Of late my dreams have been very disturbing; I have been part of activities which have made me feel ashamed of myself, even guilty of crimes unknown. I have seen myself trying to sexually please people with whom I don’t have a sexual relation. I have a feeling that I am trying to undo a wrong, pay a penalty perhaps. I don’t want to feel this way. I think I know what is happening, the subconscious part of me which wants to go back to being the ‘good girl’ of everyone’s aspiration is hitting out in the only realm it can. That of my dreams for in my a...

The bird’s eye view showed a huge plain dotted with green and picturesque cottages set amidst palm groves, the hills however were nowhere in sight. As we swooped down to land at Coimbatore airport, I was surprised to find that ours was the only aircraft, quite an unusual sight from other airports which seem choc-a-bloc at all times of the day or night. That however was not the only surprise waiting for me, once off the plane I looked around to see where the bus was only to find fellow passengers walking to the airport building, I followed suit thoroughly pleased with the idea of being able to walk across an airport. A four hour journey by a rickety bus playing Tamil films found us moving through urban landscapes to rural to foothills and then finally an abundance of tea gardens. Finally the hills what a relief! The bus made frequent stops to pick up and drop travelers and at one such stop I witnessed the art of wearing a sari south Indian style. A middle aged lady traveling with a you...

Mom always the rational voice had a great theory, walk into the battlefield of love by all means but don’t jump in without preparation. Ensure you know the ground realities, have done a count of the enemy forces and most important of all know and keep the retreat option ready. Involve yourself like a professional with the head not the heart. What it means is ensure the person on the other side is more smitten by you than you are. Belongs to the right social and economical background. Is good looking, well educated and has or atleast has the prospects of having a substantial bank balance in times to come. No, this doesn’t mean that mom was heartless just practical. ‘After all it’s the question of your entire life or atleast a good chunk of it, so why take chances?’ is what she asked time and again I found her rationale very, very irrational. Love by its very definition is supposed to be all about the heart. No, not the biological heart which pumps blood, but that heart which is actually...

Sleepless nights mirthless days are here again again I ll hear false footsteps Count days backward forward and backward again again the pain will ebb and flow like it has scores of time before Those days are here again. The brief interlude when you are with me, when I glimpse at what life could be, should be, are gone and I am left holding my constant companions pain and memories memories which evoke more pain pain which makes the memories more bittersweet I go over what you said, I go over what we left unsaid the smile shared and food, music and silence remember yet again your face above, below and all round me giving meaning to things which had seemed mundane before I remember you gently rocking me to sleep I remember you gently pulling me from it into the enchanted world of your arms Briefly you turned this brick and mortar structure into a home its back again to its cold cruel self again we wait the house and me for you to breathe life into us the way only you can

Hi! My office has come up with a new funda whereby access to all blogs, gmails, orkuts of the world is blocked. Miraculously I can access my dashboard and upload stuff also see the comments but I cant go to the blog proper and therefore cant answer any of the comments. Please bear with me till I find a solution to this problem. In the meantime do leave behind your comments for I can see what you have said and one day soon will find the time and oppurtunity to answer those too. Cheers! Pinku

The small advertisement in the corner of the newspaper was nothing great and it was a wonder that it caught her eye as it did. Maybe this is called destiny. She was bored to death had counted sheep, tiger, cockroaches, read books, gone through the sleazy CD’s and yet the day dragged on and that’s when she saw the ad. It was for a beauty parlour that promoted massages as part of its services. It seemed an interesting thing to do and she dialed the number more out of a feeling of something to do than anything else. The phone was picked up on the other end almost on the first ring, quite some attendant she admired mentally. The woman on the other end answered all her queries very solicitously and before she knew she had fixed up for a masseur to come to her home. She kept the phone down feeling adventurous even if it was nothing great it would be the company of a human being for sometime and if the masseur was half as good as those back home she could look forward to some relaxation. God ...

Waiting to break free to be bound again see the horizon turn a brilliant orange see shy flowers bloom I am waiting for downpours which can quench my thirst Waiting for rain for the smile that lights up my life for it to be light again Waiting, just waiting Waiting to see the world for the world to see me for you to see me the way I am without pretense Waiting to live life Waiting to die I am waiting, to be born again

Walked into another traffic police tow away yard to claim my vehicle, it’s become almost second nature now. Feel orphaned if those guys don’t pick on me atleast once a week. The city is so crowded one cant find a parking space in the rush of meeting an appointment deadline and ever so often when you come back for the car you find it missing and some gaping hanger-ons grinning at your discomfiture. So that’s what had happened yet again. By now I am pretty well trained to handle this situation and I walked up to the cops cabin to pay the required amount and retrieve my vehicle and then happened the incident that refuses to fade. As I stood there, a small white car zoomed out of its parking space towards the exit point from which a truck was just moving out. Shouts of stop, rokko went up everywhere and the truck guy stopped moving thereby effectively blocking the passage, the white car came to a screeching halt. The window on the driver’s side was rolled down and the choicest expletives h...

Hi! Lisa tagged me and I knew nothing about this tagging business. Didnt know what to do about the messages that came floating in aka Harry Potter's summons from Dumbeldore. I had to ask her what to do with it and then she said I must answer the following and in turn tag seven more friends. I have done her bidding. Truth be told I began doing it pretty mechanically, thinking of it almost as a silly game, but then it caught my interest and then I revised my answers, this gave me an oppurtunity to know myself better and I hope it gives you an insight as well. A lot of my friends who read this blog don't have blogs of their own so I didnt mention their names in the list below however I would want all of you to also do this exercise, by all means use my comments page to publish it and if this triggers off your own blog , nothing like it. 7 Things I want to do in this lifetime: A cottage by the sea And one in the mountains A trek in the mountains and spend a night in the open desert...

The first view of the sea when I finally approach it after crossing many winding roads The happiness of being able to reach the top of a peak Waiting at an airport/station and then finally catching that first glimpse of a dear person Rain falling over sloping roofs while I sit on a verandha sipping ginger tea Turning a corner on a mountain road and finding a beautiful valley laid out in front Dew drops on a grassy field Sunflowers blooming over a garden fence The excitement of planning a trip The exhilarating feeling of finally leaving the city behind The warm feeling that reading a good book brings Being woken up with a cup of tea and a smiling face for company (Guys and gals do list your fav things too in the comments. would love to know.)

I started out in life with some dreams, a couple of aspirations and a few vague goals of how I wanted to live life. There were some do’s and don’t in my list of things like am sure everyone has. The most important of these was an attempt to live an honest, uncomplicated life. Honest not in the Gandhian sense of telling the truth no matter what rather in being able to openly do what I wanted to do. One thing I have always hated is the need for camouflage. I never wanted to be the prettiest, the best, the wealthiest all I wanted was contentment and the opportunity to be happy and make those around me happy in whatever small measure I could. Now at the much experienced age of thirty when I survey the scene around me all I find is a Mahabharat like battlefield littered with the carcasses of my dreams, aspirations, well intentioned actions and my goals …my goals are nowhere to be found. They abandoned the field long back, stealthily, leaving me to fend for myself as best as I could. I have ...

Woman: I miss you so much it’s difficult to carry on... Man: yes, I know you do, I miss you too. Woman: No you don’t atleast not the way I do. For me your absence feels like a gaping whole in the center of my being and whatever I may do or wherever I am I feel this empty space besides me, within me. Man: I understand all that but listen there are so many things you could do to keep yourself busy that will take your mind off me. Read, paint, listen to music, go out, catch a movie or a play, concentrate on your work you hold a responsible position. Woman: Why don’t you understand? I do all that, I also move things around the house, re-do my wardrobe for the umpteenth time, make friends with the neighborhood children and look out of the window at the neighbours but your non-presence still irks. Its like a toothache always there and no matter what you do, say or see it never leaves your side. Man: Sweets, you are being unreasonable, why can’t you enjoy life as it is and whenever we are tog...

A friend asked me to post something on Women's Day which speaks about the harassments meted out to women on the roads, in public and not so public places. I promised to do so before the 8th Of March (Women's day) but like the equality of the sexes the post too was late in coming. Not because there wasn’t anything to write but because there was far too much of it. I wondered what and how shall I write about this oft written about topic that would make it stand out in the clutter of all the articles all of you must have read on the subject especially over the past week. (Writer's vanity you see, one would rather be remembered than forgotten). Bra burning feminists wrote, men posing as friends of women wrote, men who really are wrote, victims wrote or atleast someone wrote for them, so did those who had won victories major or minor. Politicians wrote, academicians wrote. What then was left for me to say? Cite yet another story of watching a woman being whistled at or her dupat...

The more things change the more they remain the same so say those who have seen it all. Oh! But what thrill the planning for it, the anticipation of it and the final confrontation with it, gives. The regular tends to be so boring. Change brings on a rush of adrenaline, heart pumping faster, cheeks glowing, and concentration levels high. I could swear it’s the best exercise to stay in shape both mentally and physically, just go in for a change. Change what you ask? Change anything. Change the way your sitting room looks. Change your haircut. Change the route you take back from work or to it. What the heck! Change the job. Exchange your pink lipstick for a cherry red one or vice versa. Followed football on the tele all your life? Go out and play it with the neighborhood kids today. And if its pouring so much the better. Do whatever, but do something. Change something around you. Maybe buy bright yellow sunflowers instead of the regulation red roses for your beloved. The world thrives o...

Did you read about the mermaid in that tale of yore and wonder what it would feel like to play and live in the waves in a big castle below the ocean? I did. I always had a fascination for water, lots of it. Free flowing, moving, without bounds and with unknown depths, holding so many secrets within its bosom. Having never learnt how to swim never dampened my spirits and the first glimpse of a big water body always brought on but one reaction to throw myself in it and let the water hold me up. Growing up in an industrial town bereft of even a swimming pool let along huge stretches of water these desires bubbled away beneath the surface much like underground streams. Alive but invisible. That is all in the past at age 29 I have finally experienced water. Water in its most mighty, life giving, limitless form…the sea. Not knowing how to react to it, I walked out to the beach to confront this huge moving entity. Stretching to the horizon and beyond. It was all that I had dreamt off and more...

It’s that time of the year again. Pull a curtain over the past prepare for the future discard the old adapt to the new. Some do it like a duty, like putting out the garbage with no thoughts involved. Some do it meticulously like threading a needle a thought, an idea at a time all in the right sequence. Some party away the night Get up midday with a hangover so bad the new year just seems like a blight Some spend the wee hours ensconced in the arms of loved ones reliving the past, envisioning the future. Some are in the company of the TV wondering whether the phone would ring and someone would remember to wish them too. Which of these were you?